Is this my fault?

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Is this my fault?

Post  {EX} TheVoid on 2011-10-31, 02:32

Okay, last Monday I was talking to Vantagesp and Fallen Angel of Roses on MSN, and Vantage accidentally made me think back to a memory that I had repressed for about 7 years. Before I tell you this story, just know, I had repressed it for so long I can see her face, but I cannot remember the name of the person in this memory.

In elementary school, I was really good friends with this girl, and we talked all the time. In elementary school I saw the cool crowd and wanted to be like the cool kids, I wanted to fit in. Middle school comes around, and this kid Im friends with becomes one of the "cool" kids, and he helped me get around the "cool" kids and I started to become more popular. I started, however to forget who my real friends were.

One day out of the blue, she walked up to me in school and says to me "I need your help." My response was "I'm with my friends." and I blew her off. That was the last time I ever spoke to her. The next day, I was told by the guidance office that she killed herself that night.

She came to me for help, and I pushed her away. Maybe I could have prevented it, maybe all she needed was someone she could trust to talk to and help her through whatever her problems were. I dont know, but every time I think about it, I start crying, because deep down I think, no Im convinced it is my fault. How about you DN? Do you think it is my fault?



Any immature, spam, or off-topic posts WILL be deleted and, if need be, action will be taken. This is a mature topic that is seriously effected me, and I will not take the immaturity of some people over it.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Key on 2011-10-31, 02:39

This is totally a fake story that had to be told when Halloween is near the corner







































There's no way to tell if it's your fault or not, since no other context was given
If it does happen to be your fault
-Is it completely your fault?
-If it partly your fault?
-Did you play a role to be a reason why she committed suicide?
Or is it not your fault at all?

Surely if you would have talked with her and do the best you can to help, maybe you could have prevented that event from happening and your life would completely be different.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  nsanejokr on 2011-10-31, 02:42

Suicidal thoughts don't work that simply. The thoughts and reasons that fuel them just compile and compile in a cluster of madness. This isn't a matter where you can pinpoint one thing or instance that could've shifted such a mindset. As far as I can tell you didn't even notice that she was going to kill herself, so I doubt there was much you could've done anyway. Even if you did talk to her in order for you even to help her she would have to tell you or hint at the fact she was going to commit suicide, and since she must've killed herself that afternoon/night she was pretty certain she was going and wanted to pull it off and sure as hell wouldn't jeopardize it by giving you too much information.

tl;dr - There's no reason for you to blame yourself, but I have a feeling you still might regardless.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  {EX} TheVoid on 2011-10-31, 05:31

Nsanejokr Ive had you, Fallen Angel of Roses and VantageSP tell me the exact same thing... though with them I wondered if it was just them being my friends. Your blunt and to the point, so Im thinking your right about it. However, even still I blame myself. Maybe I could have helped her...
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Ultimate lol on 2011-10-31, 06:44

You can wonder all your life what may have been if you did stuff differently. The best you can do is learn from it and handle differently in situations where you thought you where wrong before. In short:
You should not keep going over what has come to past but keep it with you, and help it shape your future self.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Ruhku on 2011-11-01, 07:27

Something like this that is burnt in your memorys tend to make people...welllll lets just say nothing good happenes in the future if this is still the only memory you can think of and don't want to know it.

I thought you shoulda helped her as you was friends and it wouldn't be great to turn her down.

But it might not have been your fault. It could be other events that woulda happened that day say with her familly or if she had personal problems she doesn't like sharing and doesn't want to take it anymore.

Don't beat yourself up at this.
Stop looking at the past and present and look foward to the future and what you can aclompish in doing so.
No one coulda known what she was planning to do or see her thoughts.

But don't blame yourself for this. It would affect your social life (Like with friends and familly) and you could stray away from them in due time.

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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  {EX} TheVoid on 2011-11-01, 14:40

I think Im starting to move passed this. I thank everyone for their inputs though.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Phraxure on 2011-11-01, 14:51

Events like these do tend to affect you in the future for a long period of time, some do get over it whereas others do not. I personally think it's dependant on how emotionally strong you are and that varies from person to person.

I don't think you could have prevented the suicide, but perhaps prolonged it, but I do find expressing your feelings for someone helps a lot and you'd be surprised how someone can change after doing so. It just makes life so much easier to be surrounded by people we love, and who are available whenever we need help. However, there will always be unanswered questions, and they are unanswered for a reason; weather you were to blame or not no body can really say.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Occultdude17 on 2011-11-03, 20:00

There are any number of factors that could have contributed to her suicide. Given as you were in school, and obviously children, it's possible that she was being abused by her parents (it need not be physical or sexual, her mother could have just been a spiteful, controlling bitch). Nevertheless, there is no way to fully know what was going through her head, and thus no way to conclusively say who was or wasn't at fault - or even what the final straw was.

That said, it sounds like you were a shallow, selfish jerk back then. Anybody who ditches a friend, especially when they say "Sorry I'm with my friends [implied: and that doesn't include you]", deserves any guilt/heartbreak they suffer as a result. I really hope you learned your lesson.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Potus-Mat on 2011-11-03, 20:09

TheVoid wrote:Nsanejokr Ive had you, Fallen Angel of Roses and VantageSP tell me the exact same thing... though with them I wondered if it was just them being my friends. Your blunt and to the point, so Im thinking your right about it. However, even still I blame myself. Maybe I could have helped her...
You could have also killed them all. "What if's" will drive you mad. You did not kill her; you merely let it happen. You did not know at the time, and, yes, what you did DID result in her death, but it was in a passive way. Glad to hear you are moving past it.
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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Hydrattler on 2012-02-22, 20:53

a similar thing happened to me a few years ago. when i found out i blamed myself for it. because i couldnt learn to let go or try to move forward i just gave up. i wanted to die and i tried to kill myself.

thanks to one person im able to understand it isnt just my fault. you cant blame yourself entirely because what you did couldnt have caused her to do that. she would want you to understand that and try to carry on with life. its difficult but trust me when i say that life will get better. just keep looking forward.

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Re: Is this my fault?

Post  Exiled on 2012-02-22, 20:58

Dont necropost
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